Joke of the Day!

wildbillers · 01-27-2010, 08:44 AM

Post up, everyone needs a good laugh!!!!

wildbillers · 01-27-2010, 08:45 AM

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

LegalAlien · 01-27-2010, 09:06 AM

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and

cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

jafkaf81 · 01-27-2010, 12:02 PM

Here is one for all the rednecks on this site ...............yeah Bill , that means you

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

LegalAlien · 01-29-2010, 12:04 PM

A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by a young new doctor.

After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded:

"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?!?!

The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said,

"Does she still have the hiccups?"

wildbillers · 01-29-2010, 01:01 PM

U.S. Special Forces

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

wildbillers · 01-29-2010, 08:34 PM

Subject: The hunter!

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking
cane instead of his gun.' 'As he neared a lake , he came
across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the
magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane ,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting
rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'
'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , 'Logic would strongly suggest that
somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

Smokin Sam · 01-30-2010, 01:46 PM

A blonde was showing off her new tatoo of a giant sea shell. It was on her inner thigh. Her friend asked her why she would get such a tatoo there. She replied, "its really cool, If you put your ear up against it you can smell the ocean."

Sorry, my jokes are limited.

Smokin Sam · 01-30-2010, 01:50 PM

You want me to do what?

Smokin Sam · 01-30-2010, 01:53 PM

Now ya got me started. These are not my pictures but they are pretty funny.

01-27-2010, 08:44 AM	#1
wildbillers Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Mission Posts: 159 Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Joke of the Day! Post up, everyone needs a good laugh!!!!

01-27-2010, 09:06 AM	#3
LegalAlien Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Clearwater...... Bike: 2008 Blue R1........ Track Day bike: same one Posts: 1,565 Thanks: 69 Thanked 97 Times in 90 Posts	LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. ______________________________ PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. _____________________________ DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. _____________________________ HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. __________________ "Teach me to do it myself" Dr. Maria Montessori (1870-1952) BC Riders Member # 20

01-27-2010, 12:02 PM	#4
jafkaf81 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canadian Murder Capital Posts: 325 Thanks: 7 Thanked 24 Times in 19 Posts	Here is one for all the rednecks on this site ...............yeah Bill , that means you Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" __________________ You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time. CLICK FOR IMPORTANT SAFETY REMINDER http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/h..._said_dont.jpg I have a two testicle testiment as to how cold that water was!---SMOKIN SAM

01-29-2010, 12:04 PM	#5
LegalAlien Super Moderator Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Clearwater...... Bike: 2008 Blue R1........ Track Day bike: same one Posts: 1,565 Thanks: 69 Thanked 97 Times in 90 Posts	A woman went to her doctor's office where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded: "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?!?! The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?" __________________ "Teach me to do it myself" Dr. Maria Montessori (1870-1952) BC Riders Member # 20

01-29-2010, 08:34 PM	#7
wildbillers Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Mission Posts: 159 Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Subject: The hunter! An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc ?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.' One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' 'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.' 'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.' Last edited by LegalAlien; 01-31-2010 at 07:42 PM. Reason: esthetics

01-27-2010, 08:45 AM	#2
wildbillers Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Mission Posts: 159 Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

01-29-2010, 01:01 PM	#6
wildbillers Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Mission Posts: 159 Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	U.S. Special Forces The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists : 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

01-30-2010, 01:46 PM	#8
Smokin Sam Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Smithers, BC, Canada Posts: 99 Thanks: 17 Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts	A blonde was showing off her new tatoo of a giant sea shell. It was on her inner thigh. Her friend asked her why she would get such a tatoo there. She replied, "its really cool, If you put your ear up against it you can smell the ocean." Sorry, my jokes are limited. __________________ Travel assistance on the road north to Alaska! www.eyecandycustoms.ca Last edited by Smokin Sam; 01-30-2010 at 01:49 PM.

01-30-2010, 01:50 PM	#9
Smokin Sam Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Smithers, BC, Canada Posts: 99 Thanks: 17 Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts	You want me to do what? __________________ Travel assistance on the road north to Alaska! www.eyecandycustoms.ca

01-30-2010, 01:53 PM	#10
Smokin Sam Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Smithers, BC, Canada Posts: 99 Thanks: 17 Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts	Now ya got me started. These are not my pictures but they are pretty funny. __________________ Travel assistance on the road north to Alaska! www.eyecandycustoms.ca

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